The Perfect Wife

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labour in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

“Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down… I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby”.

“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man… It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

Medical | Leave a comment | 501 views

Speed Limit Of Sex

What’s the speed limit of sex?
68, at 69 you have to turn around.

Quickies | Leave a comment | 579 views

Tampons Wonder

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight,” the boy replied.

The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”

The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one”.

Misc | Leave a comment | 2,870 views

Middle Of The forest

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him – Is he still wrong?

Men and Women, Quickies | Leave a comment | 395 views

Protection

Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.

Blondes, Quickies | Leave a comment | 379 views

Fall

A blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who hit the ground first?”

The brunette, cos the blonde stopped to asked for directions!!!”

Blondes, Quickies | Leave a comment | 443 views

Denounce The Devil

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody”.

Religion | Leave a comment | 485 views

Sneaky Diagnosis

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the ageing doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.

At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.

After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

“I’ve been a little sick to my stomach”, she replied.

“Well,” said the older physician, “you’ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps”.

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly. “You didn’t even examine that woman”, the younger doctor stated.

“I didn’t have to”, the elder physician explain. “You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill”.

“That’s pretty sneaky,” commented the younger doctor. “Do you mind if I try it at the next house?”
“I don’t suppose it could hurt anything,” the elder physician replied.”

At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.”

“I’ve felt terribly run down lately,” the widow replied. “I just don’t have as much energy as I used to.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church”, the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. “Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps”.

As they left, the elder physician said, “Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?”

“Sure,” replied the younger doctor. “Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!”

Medical | Leave a comment | 476 views

Bermuda Triangle

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They’ve both swallowed a lot of seamen.

Blondes, Quickies | Leave a comment | 552 views

Talking

A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

Men and Women, Quickies | Leave a comment | 531 views
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