Nationaljoke.com

Desert Island Rescue

admin — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:02:00 +0000

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit….

Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see you.”

Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

Man: “It’s been ten years!” With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.

Man: “Oh thank you so much!”

Girl: “So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?”

Man: “It’s been ten years” The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: “Oh… thank you so much. You are like a miracle!”

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?”

Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?!”

Gorilla Language

admin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:00:00 +0000

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means “screw you” in gorilla language. The explanation didn’t make the victim feel any better - and he vowed revenge.

The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla’s cage where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on.

Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

How Tall Is It?

admin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:02:00 +0000

A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a tape measure. This fellow couldn’t take it any more so he asks what they were doing. They said, “We are measuring this pole.” The man asks, “Why didn’t you measure it on the ground?” They said, “We know how long it is, now we want to know how tall it is.”

Door Hinge

admin — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:00:00 +0000

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.

When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in front of the clerk. He noticed that she didn’t have any screws for it, so he asked her ”Do you want a screw for that hinge?”

She looked back at him and said ”No, but I’ll blow you for that toaster in the window.”

The Facts of Life

admin — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:02:00 +0000

A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humpin’ The son turns to his dad and asks, “Dad what are those dogs doing?” The dad says, “Son I’m about to teach you a very important thing about life, what them dogs are doing is…” The father can’t do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, “Son them two dogs are..” He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.

“Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home.” The son turns to his father and says, “You’re right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn.” The dad asks, “Do you know why that is, son?”

The son replies, “Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed.”