Category Archives: Technology
class Married_female_Software _Professional
class Female_Engaged_software _professional
class Indian_Newly_Married_software _professional
class Indian_husband_wife_software _professional
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.
The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I ‘ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again”.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, “This is where your problem is”.
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
At a recent software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay on board.
“With my team’s software”, he said, “the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off”.
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
“You’re still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!”.
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask “What is the registration number of the light bulb?”, one to ask “Have you tried rebooting it?”, another to ask “Have you tried reinstalling it?” and the last one to say “It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine…”
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up.
Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that’s a hardware problem.