Category Archives: Children

Punishment

Pupil: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Pupil: good, because i didn’t do my homework.

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Childrens’ Minds

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of…termites.

You can lead a horse to water but…how?

Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.

An idle mind is… the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke there’s… pollution.

A penny saved is… not much.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what…you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as… Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.

You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

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Name Game

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
“What animal is this?” she asked.
“A cat!” said Eddie.
“Good job! Now, what is this animal?”
“A dog!” said Eddie.
“Good! Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,”It’s what your mom calls your dad”.
“A horny bastard”, called out Eddie.

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Bedtime Prayers

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A BICYCLE…I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…I PRAY FOR A NEW XBOX…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf”.
To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

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Reciting The Alphabet

Teacher is in the middle of a lesson and a little girl sticks her hand up.
“Please miss, may I go to the toilet?”
Teacher says just wait until this lesson is finished.
Half an hour later, the same little girl sticks her hand up. “Please miss, may I go to the toilet?”
Oh, very well says the teacher but first you must recite the alphabet.
The little girl begins: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ. Well done says the teacher, but where is the ‘P’.
It’s running down my leg answered the little girl!

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WABBIT

A darling little girl walks into a pet shop and asks with the sweetest little lisp: “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?”

The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks:

“Do you want a wittle white wabby? Or a soft and fuwwy black wabby? Or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?”

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward, and, in a quiet whispy, little voice says: “I don’t fink my pyfon weally gives a f*** what colour it is.”

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Fascinating

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence.

Brian raises his hand and says, “The sky is fascinating.”

The teacher says, “No that’s fascinating.”

Jennifer raises her hand and says, “When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated.”

The teacher says, “No that’s fascinated.”

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her tit’s are so big she could only fasten eight!

Children | Leave a comment | 751 views